LADY SUSAN
PART 7
XXVII
MRS.
VERNON TO LADY DE COURCY
Churchill.
This
letter, my dear Mother, will be brought you by Reginald. His long visit is
about to be concluded at last, but I fear the separation takes place too late
to do us any good. She is going to London to see her particular friend, Mrs.
Johnson. It was at first her intention that Frederica should accompany her, for
the benefit of masters, but we overruled her there. Frederica was wretched in
the idea of going, and I could not bear to have her at the mercy of her mother;
not all the masters in London could compensate for the ruin of her comfort. I
should have feared, too, for her health, and for everything but her
principles—there I believe she is not to be injured by her mother, or her
mother's friends; but with those friends she must have mixed (a very bad set, I
doubt not), or have been left in total solitude, and I can hardly tell which
would have been worse for her. If she is with her mother, moreover, she must,
alas! in all probability be with Reginald, and that would be the greatest evil
of all. Here we shall in time be in peace, and our regular employments, our
books and conversations, with exercise, the children, and every domestic
pleasure in my power to procure her, will, I trust, gradually overcome this
youthful attachment. I should not have a doubt of it were she slighted for any
other woman in the world than her own mother. How long Lady Susan will be in
town, or whether she returns here again, I know not. I could not be cordial in
my invitation, but if she chuses to come no want of cordiality on my part will
keep her away. I could not help asking Reginald if he intended being in London
this winter, as soon as I found her ladyship's steps would be bent thither; and
though he professed himself quite undetermined, there was something in his look
and voice as he spoke which contradicted his words. I have done with
lamentation; I look upon the event as so far decided that I resign myself to it
in despair. If he leaves you soon for London everything will be concluded.
Your
affectionate, &c.,
XXVIII
MRS.
JOHNSON TO LADY SUSAN
Edward
Street.
My
dearest Friend,—I write in the greatest distress; the most unfortunate event
has just taken place. Mr. Johnson has hit on the most effectual manner of
plaguing us all. He had heard, I imagine, by some means or other, that you were
soon to be in London, and immediately contrived to have such an attack of the
gout as must at least delay his journey to Bath, if not wholly prevent it. I am
persuaded the gout is brought on or kept off at pleasure; it was the same when
I wanted to join the Hamiltons to the Lakes; and three years ago, when I had a
fancy for Bath, nothing could induce him to have a gouty symptom.
I
am pleased to find that my letter had so much effect on you, and that De Courcy
is certainly your own. Let me hear from you as soon as you arrive, and in
particular tell me what you mean to do with Mainwaring. It is impossible to say
when I shall be able to come to you; my confinement must be great. It is such
an abominable trick to be ill here instead of at Bath that I can scarcely
command myself at all. At Bath his old aunts would have nursed him, but here it
all falls upon me; and he bears pain with such patience that I have not the
common excuse for losing my temper.
Yours
ever,
XXIX
LADY
SUSAN VERNON TO MRS. JOHNSON
Upper
Seymour Street.
My
dear Alicia,—There needed not this last fit of the gout to make me detest Mr.
Johnson, but now the extent of my aversion is not to be estimated. To have you
confined as nurse in his apartment! My dear Alicia, of what a mistake were you
guilty in marrying a man of his age! just old enough to be formal,
ungovernable, and to have the gout; too old to be agreeable, too young to die.
I arrived last night about five, had scarcely swallowed my dinner when
Mainwaring made his appearance. I will not dissemble what real pleasure his
sight afforded me, nor how strongly I felt the contrast between his person and
manners and those of Reginald, to the infinite disadvantage of the latter. For
an hour or two I was even staggered in my resolution of marrying him, and
though this was too idle and nonsensical an idea to remain long on my mind, I
do not feel very eager for the conclusion of my marriage, nor look forward with
much impatience to the time when Reginald, according to our agreement, is to be
in town. I shall probably put off his arrival under some pretence or other. He
must not come till Mainwaring is gone. I am still doubtful at times as to
marrying; if the old man would die I might not hesitate, but a state of
dependance on the caprice of Sir Reginald will not suit the freedom of my
spirit; and if I resolve to wait for that event, I shall have excuse enough at
present in having been scarcely ten months a widow. I have not given Mainwaring
any hint of my intention, or allowed him to consider my acquaintance with
Reginald as more than the commonest flirtation, and he is tolerably appeased.
Adieu, till we meet; I am enchanted with my lodgings.
Yours
ever,
XXX
LADY
SUSAN VERNON TO MR. DE COURCY
Upper
Seymour Street.
I
have received your letter, and though I do not attempt to conceal that I am
gratified by your impatience for the hour of meeting, I yet feel myself under
the necessity of delaying that hour beyond the time originally fixed. Do not
think me unkind for such an exercise of my power, nor accuse me of instability
without first hearing my reasons. In the course of my journey from Churchill I
had ample leisure for reflection on the present state of our affairs, and every
review has served to convince me that they require a delicacy and cautiousness
of conduct to which we have hitherto been too little attentive. We have been
hurried on by our feelings to a degree of precipitation which ill accords with
the claims of our friends or the opinion of the world. We have been unguarded
in forming this hasty engagement, but we must not complete the imprudence by
ratifying it while there is so much reason to fear the connection would be
opposed by those friends on whom you depend. It is not for us to blame any
expectations on your father's side of your marrying to advantage; where
possessions are so extensive as those of your family, the wish of increasing
them, if not strictly reasonable, is too common to excite surprize or
resentment. He has a right to require; a woman of fortune in his
daughter-in-law, and I am sometimes quarrelling with myself for suffering you
to form a connection so imprudent; but the influence of reason is often
acknowledged too late by those who feel like me. I have now been but a few
months a widow, and, however little indebted to my husband's memory for any
happiness derived from him during a union of some years, I cannot forget that
the indelicacy of so early a second marriage must subject me to the censure of
the world, and incur, what would be still more insupportable, the displeasure
of Mr. Vernon. I might perhaps harden myself in time against the injustice of
general reproach, but the loss of HIS valued esteem I am, as you well know, ill-fitted
to endure; and when to this may be added the consciousness of having injured
you with your family, how am I to support myself? With feelings so poignant as
mine, the conviction of having divided the son from his parents would make me,
even with you, the most miserable of beings. It will surely, therefore, be
advisable to delay our union—to delay it till appearances are more
promising—till affairs have taken a more favourable turn. To assist us in such
a resolution I feel that absence will be necessary. We must not meet. Cruel as
this sentence may appear, the necessity of pronouncing it, which can alone
reconcile it to myself, will be evident to you when you have considered our
situation in the light in which I have found myself imperiously obliged to place
it. You may be—you must be—well assured that nothing but the strongest
conviction of duty could induce me to wound my own feelings by urging a
lengthened separation, and of insensibility to yours you will hardly suspect
me. Again, therefore, I say that we ought not, we must not, yet meet. By a
removal for some months from each other we shall tranquillise the sisterly
fears of Mrs. Vernon, who, accustomed herself to the enjoyment of riches,
considers fortune as necessary everywhere, and whose sensibilities are not of a
nature to comprehend ours. Let me hear from you soon—very soon. Tell me that
you submit to my arguments, and do not reproach me for using such. I cannot
bear reproaches: my spirits are not so high as to need being repressed. I must
endeavour to seek amusement, and fortunately many of my friends are in town;
amongst them the Mainwarings; you know how sincerely I regard both husband and
wife.
I
am, very faithfully yours,
To
be continued
